What is Successful Dating ?

What is a successful date? Does it mean it leads on to relationship and romance? Well you that would be cool. But it doesn't have to mean that. A successful date can be one where you got on very well, had a great time and things ended on excellent terms. Not every date we go on will end this way, but they should if we plan our dating a little more carefully.

My main concern is that we often just accept dates from the next person who shows and interest and we hope that we get on okay. The problem here is that we are being passive in our dating game. We are receivers without a game plan. Our dating is bound to be far more successful if we are the ones going out and choosing who we would like to date from a selection of those who are compatible.

To do this successfully you first have to have an idea of who you are most likely to get on with and be truthful when you do it. If you insist on dating everyone, 50% of the people you meet won't be compatible straight away. In which case you will have half of all your dates as a complete waste of time. Stop doing that and start analyzing what kind of people you get on with. Okay I could say the following@

I like people who are aged 29 to 36, single and never previously married, no children but would like a child sometime. Should be Christian to an extent, well educated, reasonably tall and have long blonde hair. They should be receptive to the idea of marriage like winter sports and live within 100 miles of my home.

Okay if I do this then I can be accused of many things here but this is just an example. The effect though is to set some criteria by which I can date and from which I am likely to see some successful dating. If I don't make a dating profile then its open to all comers. That's okay. Maybe you simply don't care and want to meet anyone you can., In which case spread your net widely. The problem is though that you are not going to please everyone and once again 50% of your dates will be a complete waste of time.

Recognize that none of us are compatible with everyone. Reclines your minimum dating requirements and then ensure you match the requirements you set. There is absolutely no point in setting the following if you don't match yourself.

I am looking to meet a guy who is 6 feet 2" or taller, must be athletic and a professional sportsman with an income of over $200k a year. They must be extremely attractive, own their own house and sports car and be able to surf.

If you are five feet 1", out of shape and maybe overweight with no career and a low income and cannot swim then what you have done is just describe your ideal fantasy figure not your probable dating criteria. I am not for one second saying you won't be attractive to the character you have described but to date successfully you must establish ground where you are most likely to be compatible and will easily match.

The next thing to consider when looking at successful dating are your expectations. If you are expecting instant love at first sight followed by a perfect romance and children then that's great. The issue here is that it may not happen that way. I wish it would but it doesn't. So being realistic and expecting little is often the best way to date. If you do then one of these days you are in for a nice surprise. Greet every date with optimism but don't go over the top. If you make a new friend then you have done well. Don't expect Cupid at every turn. It will happen but maybe not just yet.

Successful dates are simple dates. They are casual and fun. Believe me when I say that desperation comes across as though you have a placard over your head announcing it. Never ever be desperate to date. If you are then this is the time to take a breather ironically. How many times has someone said that you meet a person when you least expect it. Its true, that's why. So successful dating is when its part of your monthly routine but not the be all and end all.
Successful dates are when you are at your most casual and most upbeat and most relaxed. Successful dates happen when you are focused but in a good mood. Put the rest of your house on order and your dates will naturally take on a new glow because you will be far more positive and organized.

To summarize:

Successful dating involves setting realistic match criteria
Successful dating involves establishing dating boundaries
Successful dating means being prepared and upbeat
Successful dating means keeping things simple and fun
Successful dating means dating the right people for you
Successful dating means being realistic about your expectations
Successful dating means being patient

Selecting an Internet Dating Site

There are a proliferation of dating websites available to both general and specialist groups today. From professional agencies like LoveBrowser.com which deal with thousands of profiles worldwide, to those which concentrate purely on a single religion, sexuality or location. I would never advocate selecting just a single specialist dating site at first because you really are putting all your eggs in one basket.

Most dating sites have security and privacy policies and those that don't are best avoided. By security we mean that they vet their members, they have policies and terms of use allowing people to be removed, or barred from the site. They may have protective measures in place to ensure that the members dating online will not face any serious annoyance when logged in. On top of that some sites will register with data protection registrars and have a strict password system protecting accounts.

The very best dating sites will be aware particularly of women's issues when dating online and will have a positive policy allowing women members to block those who they do not wish to communicate with, without repercussions. There are some sites that penalize for blocking and we would never advocate you to use them.

Email should always be a private affair when dating online and the top dating sites usually keep your email within the site itself so that you have a protected in box but messages are never transmitted to your real world address. Instant messaging is increasingly seen as very important when dating online and allows instant communication with other members who are online at that time. This facilitates easy and private chats which can lead to positive relationship building.

Chat rooms don't occur on all dating websites but we see them as very useful for new daters and socialites who love to chat to many people at once. It is a good way of getting your typing and chat skills on top form. The best sites allow you to use a different name in a chat room to your regular profile to maintain anonymity levels. The other communication feature we now see increasingly is voicemail. Apart from being able to communicate online it is very useful to be able to lave voice messages and listen too without ever giving out a real phone number. Site s such as LoveBrowser.com utilize secure voicemail box Ids and passwords through a common number allowing people to send and receive voice messages between themselves and members they like.

Here are some key things I believe you should always keep in mind when attempting to use the Internet for romance.

Use a professional introduction agency, one that has been established for at least 3 years
Use an Internet dating specialist firm, not some extra which is an afterthought
Use an agency that allows free profile registration for all members
Use an online service that allows you to post more than one photo for free
Use a dating services agency that has a secure ecommerce system
Do not use completely free agencies as you don't often get top quality services
Do find an online agency that offers email and messaging that are onsite
Don't use agencies that insist on sending emails to your own inbox
The best Internet dating specialists offer you great customer service
Use an agency that is appealing and relaxed and suits your style
Don't go for agencies that pay for adverts to catch your eye, they are not always the best
Look for online agencies that provide detailed dating articles and advice
Make sure that the online agency includes their full address and phone number
International websites usually have the best variety of member profiles
Find an Internet agency that is willing to chat about any issues you may have
Use an agency that offers different methods of secure payment
Some of the best dating agencies allow payment in different currencies
It is essential that you can Browse & Find profiles for free
Make sure that the search facilities are fast and suit your style of searching

Can We Just Be Good Friends?

"Can we just be good friends?" How many times have you heard someone say that whilst telling you it is all over? There is an easy answer people - No you can't. Not in a million years so don't waste your breath.

How many of us have heard that hopeful little phrase "can we be friends" from a soon-to-be-ex partner mumbling and stuttering before heading out of the door with their suitcase at 1000 miles per hour. And how many have replied "no"! Very few I reckon. How many more have agreed to this new instant friendship? Yes its true, the departing party thinks that it gets them off the emotional hook to suggest that you can be friends moments after damning your relationship to eternity whilst telling the bare face lie that so many of us have found to be untrue. Can we be friends? Of course you can't. So wise up instantly.

What are you going to do , are you both going to do all the things your best friends do, are you going to party together, laugh and cry together, pick op the phone at 3am because you need to chat? No you aren't and the person who just suggested the idea already knows it.

Its one of the brutal truths of dating but at least 60% of all people who leave their lover have said it and the rest of us have had to find some kind of reply. Inevitably it is "yes". We say yes because we want to keep knowing the person who is leaving, we don't want the happier times to end and we certainly do not want to stop seeing the person who has just told u we are finished. But the reason I write about this subject here is because the person saying it in 99% of cases does not mean it, never did mean it and has no intention of honoring the concept. You don't want to accept it perhaps or you are nodding in agreement that I am right, but I stand by it. Anyone who offers friendship as a mediocre present whilst retracting love deserves no respect.

I am afraid that our friends are the people we have known from school and college, those we have worked with, those we have met along the way and stayed in touch with. The person breaking your heart isn't your friend, that is the person who is busy telling you all the reasons why it won't work between you, the reasons why its over and the reasons why they are leaving. The crux of the statement is linked to the person who is saying it , rather than the person it is being said to. The person who says it is the person leaving. They are also the person who feels guilt. And it is this guilt that is responsible for the utter garbage dialogue we must endure. At least for a short time.

Now I know all this sounds harsh and you know that the person you are splitting up with could really be your best friend and it does happen believe me. But and its a big but, its so rare its almost impossible. The fact is you now have an almost unbearable legacy, your ex-relationship and this will act as a wedge. The water from your salty tears will lubricate this wedge and drive it between you as you slip further and further away. I wish I could say that when an ex asks if you can both be friends that it would work. But it won't.

The way we all deal with the traumas in our lives is through time and time alone. Though the comfort of true friends and loved ones helps too. But we must all settle the past before we can move forward and to do this, the best thing we can all do when someone we love leaves us is simple. We put them behind us - and that takes time too. The thing that always strikes me about someone who asks if "we can be friends?" is the sheer audacity of the statement. It is an unnerving ability to tell a lie at the moment when honesty is most called for, it is an attempt to console when doing harm, it is the domain of the person who wishes to deceive. Wow, I am sounding gloomy here.

I came back and added this section after I re-read this article. It is worth pointing out that one of the reasons why we must say no to the request for friendship is because it is being asked for all the wrong reasons. Often the person leaving is scared and unsure of what they are doing. They don't really want to burn their bridges, well they are not sure they want to. They therefore try and keep a lifeline by asking if friendship is a possibility - in doing so they are retaining a very small path back. Of course the point is that very few people who leave us can actually sustain a friendship afterwards even if we can. Friendships take contact and contact is the most painful aspect of leaving someone. Therefore the reality is that distant friendship may be a possibility but near future friendship is not going to happen.

Okay, the thing is, I have heard that question too many times and never once did it stand to be true, never. People who have left have offered friendship whilst taking everything with them. The fact is, by not agreeing to such a mediocre offering, we retain our dignity, our calm, our composure and our peace of mind. We do not want reminding of someone who left us every day, so why begin down that road - why try and be friends? Instead, hold your head up high and show the person the door, after all, your true friend is the person you will one day choose to spend your life with, not the person just leaving.